Friday, January 16, 2009

How To Avoid Wasting Time on Facebook

This was totally written for me! As accurate as it is though, I could still add a few tips ... the biggest one being "work for a company that blocks access."

Yeah, I can't log into Facebook from work. They still allow LinkedIn because it's business related (you can just hear the sales people saying "it's a great way for me to connect with potential customers!") but let's face it - LinkedIn just isn't as fun as Facebook.

What Sex In The City character am I? How much Good Karma can I collect? Will I ever earn enough cookies to feed to Strippin' Santa to get him to drop his shorts? What are my favorite Childhood Memories of the '80s? Who is winning that snowball war? What kind of cocktail am I passing out to my friends today?

Log in to Facebook to find out this and more!

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

How to Turn Down a Drink

Oh, I could have used this last Friday ...

I took the day off and went to the track with my girlfriends. I had two Cosmos at the track, over the course of 3-4 hours, no big deal. Then I went to a little dive by out on the lake with one of my girlfriends, and things got out of hand.

The bartender remembered me even though I hadn't been there for two years. That was flattering. We ordered a drink and just kept to ourselves, but the folks down the bar a bit bought us a shot - a Silver Bullet. And no, it wasn't a Coors Light. So of course we did the shot. And I finished the first rum and coke and another one appeared and there was another Silver Bullet and we ordered dinner and then there was some pink shot and my rum and coke never emptied and to top everything off ... an Irish Car Bomb.

Oh. My. God.

I had the good sense to not drive home, I slept on my girlfriend's sofa. At least until 5:00 a.m. when I started throwing up. Yeah, big time wasted. Even bigger hangover. And to top everything off I lost my car keys. Or at least I thought I did. As I lay in agony on the sofa around 9:00 a.m. the boyfriend spied the keys on the coat rack behind the door. Who knows why or when I put them there.

But wait - it's not over. Sometime around noon I think I've finished emptying my stomach - I haven't been able to keep anything down and I've hurled bile from the depths of my gall bladder several times. So I start the slow drive home. And I got halfway there before I had to pull over - in a church parking lot, no less - and expel the water I'd consumed before departing. And to add insult to injury, there was a gentleman out in his yard across the road. "Are you okay? Do you need some water?" Yeah, thanks but no - that's what I was throwing up.

When I got home, I went straight to bed for 3 1/2 hours. I ate a banana bite by bite - my last three bouts with alcohol poisoning and it was the only thing I could keep down.

Had I seen this wikiHow before my night out, things might have been different.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

How to Stop Being Jealous

So I work in this office where the Director leads a fabulous life ... everything is exciting and wonderful and she has the best husband and the most adorable, happy and loving child. She is so accommodating and helpful, and she loves her life - and why shouldn't she?

Most of the time I just want to throw up. I think this is so fake - how can anyone possibly be this happy all the time? We make fun of her, but I have to admit - there is a tiny piece of me that wants to be her. Who wouldn't want the fabulous life she portrays?

And the worst part is it's real - she's successful and very well off. Money is no object. I am jealous. But I know I can't let it consume me or bring me down, so today's wikiHow was timely.